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20 most recent entries

Date:2005-05-20 01:19

Off to Cinci I go...I plan to have fun and stuff. :)

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Date:2005-05-15 22:26
Subject:It's a sorta fairytale with you
Mood: frustrated

So my past few days have been filled with searching and applying for jobs. Here is a list of jobs I have applied for thus far:

1.) Violence Against Women Prevention Program Director; UConn Women's Center; Storrs, CT

2.) Outreach Coordinator; NARAL-VA; Richmond, VA

3.) Field Director; O'Neil Research; Tempe, AZ

4.) Publications and Events Manager; The Hunger Project; New York, NY

5.) Patient Advocate; Brooklyn Women's Health Pavilion; Brooklyn, NY

6.) Recruitment Fellow; Teach for America; New York, NY

Cross some fingers for me and stuff. In other news, things are going considerably well with the Brian...except for the whole he's moving to NY thing. (Please note the locations of the aforementioned job applications.) Wishful thinking perhaps...but I'm an optimist (read: hopeless romantic) at heart.

Em's graduation party was yesterday, and it was such a good time! It was a lot of fun to see everyone again and hang out with the people that are responsible for so many of the wonderful memories I possess since I was twelve. I am blessed with a group of intelligent, dynamic, loving friends. I am forever indebted to the universe for sending me such kindred spirits so early in life. Thank you, universe.

Sometimes I fantasize about moving to NY, working things out with Brian, and having this wonderfulness thing going on for quite some time. Sometimes I fantasize about getting a job somewhere completely new, meeting a bunch of new and exciting people, learning so much about myself and the world. Sometimes I fantasize about suicide. Sometimes I fantasize about the familiar: buying a little house in Lancaster city, investing in a little bookstore, and drinking Square One coffee for the rest of my days. And then sometimes I get so frustrated with so much fantasizing and not enough stability to know which one it will actually be. As I've said before, the excitement of "the world is at your fingertips" wears off fairly quickly once you start yearning for stability...or at least something like it.

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Date:2005-05-11 00:28
Subject:slowly going the way of the buffalo
Mood: sick

Good news: I'm feeling slightly better.

Bad news: work is being a bitch-ass.

In other news: Today was fairly cool near the end of the day. I got a cannoli at La Dolce Vita, cus you know, it's awesome, go there. I also got an iced chai and watched Aimee fall in love with a four year old boy who "has the cutest talking voice." It was fun. Michael the artist played a grandpop trick on me, and I told him I was mad at him for it, but then I said "I'm over it" which made him smile.

I really love my new place. It feels really homey, and I may want to stay here for awhile. But I don't know how long I'm welcome. I feel like as long as I'm payin the rent, I should be good to stay...haha. But it's just so nice here. I love the location and the house has this great energy. I sat in the front room for hours reading some vintage Vonnegut, although only my second Kurt read: Breakfast of Champions. I'm already halfway through it. It's no Tom Robbins, but incredibly readable, and I like his style a lot: "I had given him a life not worth living, but I had also given him an iron will to live. This was a common combination on the planet Earth." Also: "But his head no longer sheltered ideas of how things could be and should be on the planet, as opposed to how they really were. There was only one way for the Earth to be, he thought: the way it was. Everything was necessary. He saw an old white woman fishing through a garbage can. That was necessary. He saw a bathtub toy, a little rubber duck, lying on its side on the grating over a storm sewer. It had to be there." I don't necessarily agree with that, but I like the way its written, and I like the *notion* that all is right with the world, although I know it isn't.

We might be going to the Barnstormers game on Thursday, which is exciting. I'm excited for a real home team. Philly was always the closest to home team I got, and really, we're about 45 minutes outside of Philly. For some reason, Perkiomenville never really got around to putting together any professional sports teams. Don't know what that's about!

Well, I should really take some of my Aleve cold and sinus and get some z's if I want to continue on the getting better train. Choo choo!!

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Date:2005-05-03 20:30
Subject:I leave it to the side
Mood: blah

Days have been dark, and nights full of life. I feel an energy that is indecisive. As soon as it is high it is low, and as soon as it gets bad, there is so much goodness.

Saturday night actually turned out to be a lot of fun. I ended up hanging out with Becky, and we went to Dipco and then to a party at Andrea's house where all the hippie kids were, which was cool. We drank fuzzy navels and rum and cokes and talked about how silly French class always was. None of us ever had French together, but apparently the consensus is that French class is oftentimes silly. Andrea's teacher actually had them watch E.T. in French...several times. She said the one line is actually "E.T. telephone la maison." But it's so funny when she says it.

So my artist friend Harold from SQ1 is actually named Michael, and he calls me Earth Sister when he can't remember my name, which I rather enjoy. I saw him at Dipco the other night, which kind of freaked me out, because I've only ever seen Harold/Michael at SQ1 and once on Chestnut Street when I was walking Sabi. I think we were related in another life. He seems like an uncle to me. Or maybe I was his cat.

Tony told me he found a time portal on Cherry Street, but it turned out it was just a hole in the pavement. Oh well, maybe next time.

New York seems like a dream to me now. A bad dream.

Love doesn't hurt
So I know
I'm not falling in love
I'm just

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Date:2005-05-02 22:20
Subject:Arizona is pulling at the strings of my heart...
Mood: anxious

...but so is Lancaster. Arizona has strangely, curiously been calling my name for years now, and I'm trying to get there. Simultaneously, the Lancaster is energizing me as of late as well. But I know Lancaster, well kind of, and I need to experience the world. That's right, starting with Arizona. I've never been there, but I know something is there for me. Becca says it might be a great pair of shoes, but I'm sure it has to be more.

May 13th is the first moving day. Into Orange Street I go. I don't know how long I'll be there, but I want to get out of here soon. Living with the ex is just a bit much, and I want my own space. My personality and creativity is stifled here. And this is not the time to be stifled. This is the time for exploration and discovery.

Let the Summer of Fun begin!

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Date:2005-03-12 21:02

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
In our love
We are free in our love

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Date:2004-01-11 19:58
Subject:can you tell im bored?
Mood: bored

Name a person and a song (or band) that you associate with them:

Emily: "Ladies Night" cus we once sat down and wrote down all the lyrics to it and then would sing it together. Oh, and Spice Girls, cus we used to be a little bit obsessed.

Shannon: That sugar song....ya know, "suga suga, how you get so fly", and that Nickelback song cus its on EVERY time we're in the car together.

Adam: "Estoy aqui" by Shakira...(I wonder if I spelled that right) b/c we've listened to it one million times trying to get me to figure out the lyrics in Spanish.

Dan: Ben Folds Five because we used to listen to them in his car on the way to school back in the day.

My mom: "You are the Sunshine of my Life" because thats her song for me, and she had it played on the radio in the morning my first day of kindergarten. i perpetually miss my mom. Oh, and that song where it goes "you're unbelievable!" and then you scream...well at least we used to when it came on in the car.

Brettie Spaghetti: "Picture" by Sheryl Crow and that idiot, cus we sang it together once in the car and it was so cute!, and that Kid Rock song "American Badass" because he walks around the house singing it and saying "American Bad Bleep" cus my mom would get mad if he said ass...thats hilarious.

A & A: Dar Williams "Yoko Ono" and "Wilder Than Her" for a couple reasons: they gave those songs to me, we sang them together that night we spontaneously got drunk, and we listened to them on our way to DC that one time.

Bob: That New Doubt song "It's My Life" or whatever...cus we sang it and sang it and sang it when we went shopping last week.

Kim: whatever the opposite is of my favorite song right now. Haha. Just kidding. :)

Kelly: anything Ani, cus she introduced her to me.

Ginger: Ani's "Dilate" because of last time, and Norah Jones, cus I'm not giving her cd back...ever. :) heehee.

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Date:2003-12-10 01:03
Mood: happy

Well, Lily and I hoped today would be better and it was! Reasons why:

1. I think I did really well on my final this morning (AND I got up in time for it, which is like a bonus!)
2. Then I got to sleep for another 3 or 4 hours
3. I went to work and Adam was training which is awesome b/c then we'll work together, and that's gonna be so much freakin fun!
4. After work I went and hung out with Adam and Shannon and they bought me pizza...mmm so good.
5. My car actually goes up my driveway now! This is my favorite part of the day...sad, but true.

All very exciting things. AND I don't have any more classes or official finals...just have to revise 2 papers and do a take home test, and then I'm home free! And I'll finally get my check tomorrow, and maybe sell back a book or two. So, hopefully I'll get that stuff done early-ish tomorrow, and then I can read and snuggle up with my HGTV. :)

ps - while browsing moods, I thought I saw "butchy" but really it was bitchy...haha, how great would that be if I could put my mood as "butchy"?! Kim, is there a way to do that?

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Date:2003-12-07 14:46
Mood: calm

So, at last, the final week of the semester has come. I've been awaiting this since the first week of the semester. Stupid semester...quite the waste class-wise. I have never been so unmotivated when it comes to school. I just seem to find mental health and social justice much more appealing to work toward than an A in some gen ed course. Grades are simply numbers...and as we all know, numbers don't count.

Anyway, I'm thrilled that I have exactly one more day of classes, and although I have a shitload of "work" to do, I wholeheartedly plan on half-assing all of it, and it will all be over in a few days. Oh happy day!

I'm tired, but I have work tonight. Tiffa is working tonight though, so we'll do a whole lotta catching up, and maybe a little studying as well.

Oh, it snowed like crazy this weekend as well. And since the heating system in our house is crazy old, my room is freezing at the moment. Thank goodness I cleaned my car off yesterday, cus there's no way I'd be in the mood to do it today before work. I saw Gothika last night. It was really scary. So scary, in fact, that when I woke up at 5:30 this morning needing to pee, I refused and decided to wait til sunrise for fear of going to the bathroom in the dark, and being possessed by demons. I'm so silly sometimes.

Wish me well with not getting myself into trouble over break this year...yikes! ;)

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Date:2003-12-02 20:06
Subject:were you satisfied or not satisfied? is that strongly or somewhat?
Mood: cheerful

So here I sit at work again...yes, I get paid to sit on my ass and do things like journal entries. No seriously, I work really hard. Anyway, I thought I'd take a little time to rant about how much I don't care about my classes this time around. I haven't gone to my tech writing class in 2 weeks, I wrote the shittiest 7 page paper (that was supposed to be 10 pages), just finished up writing 3 and a half pages of bullshit for my final report in tech writing, and am seriously considering "forgetting" about the last research I'm supposed to do for my internship. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? Possibilities:

1. I don't care about my classes b/c they're shit classes, I'm not challenged, and am quite sure I haven't been enlightened in the least, or even learned anything new this semester.

2. I resent this entire semester because I was supposed to be studying in England, but wasn't able to.

3. My brain has finally turned to mush, and I shall be doomed to failure the rest of my life.

Maybe it's a combination. Regardless of the reasoning, the semester is almost over, and the end just can't come soon enough. I'm hoping next semester will prove to be much better. It will at least be more suited to what I'm used to: 15 full credits, 30 hrs/wk at work, and 2 exec board positions. Yeah, next semester will be much better...at least I'll be forced to have some damn structure again. AND I'll have good people in my classes again...Sarah is in 2 and Beth is in one. Very cool. Oh, and I think I might be working at the Women's Center also. I'll be a busy bee again...I can't wait to be excited about school again.

Other than that, I've been having an enormously high rate of lesbian sex dreams. I mean, of course I've always had them, but never this much before. Well, at least I'm getting some in my dreams, right? Haha! Good times.

That's it for now...good luck to everyone during the last couple weeks...it's crunch time, but it'll be over soon. And then it's time for some R&R! (and for reading, movie watching, monopoly playing, chocolate eating, and snuggling if you're lucky!)

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Date:2003-11-27 18:24
Subject:Everyday is for Giving Thanks
Mood: thoughtful

Today is what our country likes to call "Thanksgiving." Ugh...why must we capitalize off of everyone's suffering?? I'm sorry to all the Native Americans who also know the traditional story of "Thanksgiving" is far from the truth. Anyway, I spent the day at Sue's house...my former high school English teacher. I love her to pieces, and it was so nice of her to invite me to her house and into her loving energy. Her little Graham isn't so little today, and her little tummy is growing with another as we speak! I'm so happy for her, her family, and their happiness.

Also in today's news...I was reminded of how I'm going to be expected once again to have a timeline of my complete future tomorrow when I see my own family. Because as soon as you go to college, your future somehow is supposed to become crystal clear, and you're to know everything that will happen, right up to the day you get married, have kids, and buy that white picket fence for your perfect house in the suburbs. How do I tell my family I haven't a clue what I want to be doing the week after I graduate, I'll probably live in a shitty apartment in some unknown city, go to a POS job, living on nothing, doing activist work, and making sweet love to a wonderful woman? Oh geez, not what my family is ready for.

Meanwhile, this post is brought to you by the fact that my papers are due a week LATER than I realized, so I can actually enjoy my break! I have lots of reading to do still, but that's much more bearable than paper writing. Very exciting indeed. So, I'm home for another day or so, then I get to go back to my independence! Hooray! I should go work on Aud's b-day present now...ready??? go!

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Date:2003-11-20 19:53
Subject:yeah, me too
Mood: quixotic

I think I've decided on at least five different occupations for after graduation this past week. I've gone through let's see...server in Paris (but that wouldn't last long, we all know how I am as a server), owner of a bookstore, massage therapist, writer, and professional organizer. We'll see what my ideas are the week I graduate. I've changed SO much over the last few years. A year ago I had to have a 5 year plan...one that I really truly believed I'd stick to. Now, I realize you can't really plan further than a couple hours in advance. And I've finally come to terms with that. I'm not nearly as much of an excessive planner as I used to be.

Also, tomorrow I leave for Georgia for the SOA protest (www.soaw.org). We're leaving at 6pm tomorrow night for the 15-hour bus ride. That's right, 15 hours! I drove all the way to Alabama last spring break to check out a grad school. (Now that I'm probably not going, haha...oh how things change.) I'm excited to get to know some of the people on the trip and to get some reading done too! I was going to quick learn how to crochet and make a scarf on the bus, but who knew crocheting was so complicated??

Maybe I'll be a librarian...I love books and I love organizing things...I could organize books all day long! How wonderful! Audrie once told me that a lot of librarians are lesbians...so that would work out too, haha!

ps - i chose quixotic to see what it would look like, hehe.

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Date:2003-11-19 15:06
Subject:I'm SIIIIIIIIIIINGIN' in the raaaaaaaain :)
Mood: cheerful

Oh how rainy it is today! Splendid really. I had to walk home from Hash in it, and smiled the whole way, as I'm sure my drowned rat look was rather humorous. I also giggled with a stranger at length while trying to cross the street as we got soaked by every car that refused to slow down...except one: thanks silver ford focus! It was fun...splashin' around cus I was already soaked, and my usual pet peeve of wet socks didn't phase me whatsoever.
Moral of the story: it's always worth it to make something seemingly miserable into a lot of fun!
I wish you all splashy, rainy, giggly goodness today! (And good luck to those Goucherians who are now using portapotties in the quad...yikes!)

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Date:2003-11-19 02:39
Subject:so again i cant sleep
Mood: irritated

001. name : tara
002. nicknames : TS, Paris, Tiny, Tara Bear
003. sex : girl.
004. birthday : 01/12/83.
005. age : 20.
006. star sign : cappy.
007. place of birth : phoenixville, pa.
008. current residence: millersville, pennsylvania.
009. hair colour : dark brown.
010. eye colour : hazel.
011. height : a cool 5 ft.
012. writing hand : right.

013. do you bite your nails : no.
014. can you roll your tongue : yeah man!
016. can you raise one eyebrow at a time : yeah, like its my job
017. can you blow smoke rings: i doubt it.
018. can you blow spit bubbles : heehee, yeah
019. can you cross your eyes: yeah.
020. colored hair: nada.
021. tattoos and where : nada.
022. piercing and where : nada.
023. do you make your bed daily : no.
024. what goes on first, bra or underwear : underwear.
025. which shoe goes on first : left, but then i tie the right one...
036. speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone : no, but i wrestled shannon to the floor tonight...impressed?
037. how much money is usually in your wallet? : two dollars, if that!
38. what jewelry do you wear 24/7 : my...um...i dont.
039. whats sexiest on a guy : nothing.
040. whats sexiest on a girl : a smile, and The Look
041. would you rather be on time and look okay or be late and look great : more and more time means nothing to me.
042. do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it : im a twirler ;)
043. how many cereals are in your cabinet : counting my roomies'? um, like 4
044. what utensils do you use eating pizza : fork and knife.
045. do you cook : yeah.

046. how often do you brush your teeth : three times a day.
047. how often do you shower/bathe : everyday.
048. how long do these showers last : theyve been known to last awhile...i really love showers
049. hair drying method : towel, then hair dryer thingy.
050. do you paint your nails : that would be a negative.
051. do you swear : fuck yeah! but only when im pissed off
052. do you mumble to yourself : never, im too loud to mumble
053. do you spit in public : no, except for that one time.
054. do you pee in the shower : no.
055. the cd player : twice.
056. person you talk to the most on the phone : i hate the phone.
057. what color is your bedroom : yellow!! i painted it myself...very trying times
058. do you use an alarm clock : yeah.
059. name one thing or person you're obsessed with: chocolate...and senorita burrita
060. have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex : yes.
061. ever sunbathed in the nude: no.
062. window seat or aisle : window.
063. whats your sleeping position: usually on my right side
064. what kind of bed do you like : the big one i have!
065. in hot weather, do you use a blanket : i have to at least use a sheet, i dont like not being covered up
066. do you snore : baby snores.
067. do you sleepwalk : no.
068 do you talk in your sleep : yeah, i do...
069. do you sleep with a stuffed animal : every night...well most nights...Buckey :)
070. how about with the light on : no.
071. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on : music usually to drown out the pary boys across the street

072. had sex : debatable
073. were kissed or kissed someone : a week? two weeks?
074. watched bambi : way more than
075. cried : a good all out cry? tequila night...a few tears about a week ago
076. talked on the phone : at work tonight.
077. read a book : a whole book? last week? just any reading of a book? today.

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Date:2003-11-18 20:42
Subject:the story of a trip to goodwill
Mood: amused

One time a few weeks ago, Audrie and I went to Goodwill to visit Kim, who works there, and it awesome. We bought her a book called "Kim Has a Hat." We also bought her a hat. This has been entertaining ever since.

Kim quote: i used to find stuff at good will east, and now i usually never find anything. kim has a hat was the best find in a long time.

Also, I need a second job for over break, any ideas?

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Date:2003-11-18 20:23
Subject:if a tree falls but no one's around, am i still a lesbian?
Mood: okay

Today I finished my paper...yay. Then I went to Borders, bought Bitch magazine, and drank a small hot chai...super yay. I actually liked the chilly weather today. It'll pass. I saw a bunch of books I wanted to buy, but refuse to buy them corporate. I'll get them on Amazon maybe.

I just realized I could never put anything I'm really feeling in these things, cus I don't want my words to be read in the wrong way, the wrong person to read something, misinterpretation.

That sucks.

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Date:2003-11-17 14:56
Mood: content

i always forget to do that part....

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Date:2003-11-17 14:53
Subject:take the good with the bad.

my roommate's cat is annoying.
it's nice outside today.
i got my hair cut.
i got my hair cut.
i have class til 9:00 tonight.
my paper is almost done.
the days are so short now.
it's almost time for thanksgiving break.

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Date:2003-11-17 02:33
Subject:my second entry, post thingy ever!!

ok, i lied, bob is also awake...

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Date:2003-11-17 02:22
Subject:first entry, post, thing, ever!
Mood: awake

So, it's 2:30 am, and I couldn't sleep. Lily's the only one up, and she's been wanting me to make one of these things for awhile, so I figure why not, cus, I'm not doing anything else, right?

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